The future of friendships and social media | Yusuf Khan | TEDxBatorySchool

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Friendships weren’t that easy in the first place in the early 2000s but anyway we needed Social Media to take them to a new dimension. The Jocks were with the Jocks, Nerds in their tribe, Artists in theirs. But since the dawn of Social Media we have developed a new essence of the word „Friendship”, taking it to a whole new level. Cześć, Siema, Dzień Dobry People!
or any other greeting that can get me accepted into your clan. I am Yusuf Khan, a second Year Biomed Eng Student at Politechnika Łódzka. I was born in India but I’m settled in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. As an avid follower of Anthony Bourdain I’ve always tried to understand people in every way. In their food, in their music, in their sports, in their festivals. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx <br> <h3>Auto Generated Captions</h3>

good evening everyone
well friendship starts with a statement
when one person looks at another and
they say oh you two I thought I was the
only one what I mean to elaborate is it
all starts with this thing when I am on
a Tuesday night
in my phone I’m jogging down and
Facebooks suggests me a former classmate
and I go spiral on to his pictures into
a comment section then I’m on an article
and my brain goes into a hyperdrive and
I wake up Sunday morning feeling
physically and socially drained and I
cancelled my plans with my friend Sunday
morning for tennis right so we’re gonna
be discussing the future of friendships
and social media basically we’re gonna
talk today about our social capacity and
how the trends are nowadays how we can
elaborate and tweak our social capacity
and how we can subject ourselves to not
fall into these trends right so we’re
gonna first talk about the research done
by Professor William Dunbar of
University of Cambridge he came up with
a number
Dunbar’s number which was 150 the number
is stating that you on an average in
your life have 150 friends and out of
them 16 are your close friends and four
or three are like your best friends that
emergency situations I don’t think you
probably have 150 friends on snapchat I
mean Facebook you probably have 500
friends so what is he talking about
well he moved on and he surveyed 3000
Facebook users and the number really
didn’t change what he meant was friends
people you speak to people you talk to
people you depend on and people you
enjoy with speak depend and enjoy that’s
what Professor William rollin
on his research when he spoke to
students who were as young as 10 years
old and the senior population with the
age of 99 I’m gonna share it to you a
bit about my own experience because I
was born in India but I’ve been living
in the Middle East for 18 years and I am
here in Poland for three years
and throughout these times I’ve had to
change and adapt myself I’ve had to have
different friends and let’s just say if
I try to combine all of my friends from
India from the Middle East and in Poland
it would be like mixing chocolate but
ramen noodles they don’t go they don’t
really blend in right so I’ve had to
adapt myself with these situations but
my opinion and credibility could be
questionable so we would speak into
people for whom social media is bread
and butter right the social media
influencers the ones who are
inspirational for all of us I’m not
talking about ksi or logan paul but this
Jennifer Dombrowski who’s 38 years old
fashion blogger and Nate Garner 21 year
old influencer what they say are two
things that we do as a generation with
social media which affects us is number
one hate comments it’s really easy to
hate on someone when there is a digital
screen right when you’re not facing the
person you can comment anything anything
is fine you can just judge a person you
can retweet anything anything is legal
and there’s a social barrier there’s an
emotional barrier that you don’t see
what the person is going through why are
these hate comments the second thing
that we do is we’re probably on an
outing as we are right now and we’re
probably on our phones missing the
moment that we have right now we’re here
physically but mentally were somewhere
else that’s one thing that they have
affected in all of their careers so this
is what we’re letting social media do to
ourselves and to
our friendships as general with people
well basically I am trying to explain to
you exactly how we allow ourselves to
subject to all these trends and how well
we can adapt to these trends right a
cult following movie from Zac Efron we
are your friends where he plays a DJ
there is a moment where all of his
friends are in a party and they say Kol
are we ever gonna be better than this
this statement leads to a spiral of
events where their friendship is
basically this integrating they stop
they have fights and they keep
questioning so that’s why I keep saying
as high school students since most of
you were high school students these are
the closest bonds and ties that you have
you’ve been spending a lot of years with
each other you will be somewhere else
you’ll be meeting new people so the
present that you have right now
don’t try to ruin it by saying are we
ever gonna be better than this the only
time you can say it is for battery
school to have better speakers I speak
for myself
and for anyone else okay for sure I
would like to help you as to how I
myself have changed and used a tactic
that I would say is just being real
enough and presenting myself as Who I am
what I know and where I’m from and you
have the best chance at connecting with
people
sounds gibberish but I’ll give you a
practical example of it imagine yourself
as the city of Krakow in all its history
in all its culture and all if there is
any field or whatever and you present to
yourself all the new friends in your
life when you move on our tourists they
look at you they look every aspect of
you you’re good you’re bad the rich
parts the poor parts the city of Krakow
doesn’t change its functioning it stays
same tourists they come they like the
city they don’t like the city the same
way your the city of Krakow and you
present yourself as you are your history
your present your art and the people who
like you are eventually gonna stay and
the people who won’t it’s good for you
if they leave so we’ll just finish this
by wrapping up in a small mixture as to
what we do first thing is social media
in general was not made to create creaky
or our boredom or anxiety or whatever
that we have it’s your friends they are
the ones who cure your boredom and
anxiety it was social media was just
there to connect right we think that yes
for connecting we can use Skype and to
connect with our best friends and but
there’s always this emotional shield
like a filter where a physical distant
aggression you really need a person
physically present right even Dunbar
himself said if you don’t meet your best
friends for a long time they start to
disintegrate from those five of your
best friends you start losing them
slowly you need to be physically present
to meet them also another thing that we
do with social media is how we solve
conflicts that is the worst example of
in my case or many cases with Professor
Dunbar that how we solve conflicts never
try to solve your conflicts with
anything such as messengers Skype
because there is a lack of empathy there
is a lack of emotions present right
there you don’t see what the person is
feeling exactly you don’t see the
physical presence you don’t see their
tone you don’t get their voice as much
as good quality video you can get we’re
not present really and we can feel their
emotions so with conflict solving and
with the moments that we share with our
friends you can try to switch off with
social media I would like to conclude
all of this by saying that
mainly we should just let ourselves be
exactly the way we are I see different
kinds of people here I see people who
look like gez I see people who look like
Harry Potter’s accountant and you all
settle in all together and you all
coexist in a very thin balance which
social media might really mess up for
you thank you so much

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