Learning And Relearning What Love Is Over Time | Grace Matata | TEDxOysterbay

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Grace shares what she found after learning, unlearning and relearning love over time. She is a 2015 Kilimanjaro Music Awardee and a Afro-Soul & RN’B Singer and songwriter This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx <br> <h3>Auto Generated Captions</h3>

[Music]
now I’m gonna have to live tall to live
up to all that how are you oh my god I
didn’t know but very excited about this
for a very long time and it’s finally
here and I hope you’re excited as I am
[Music]
I’ve always been very very puzzled by
the whole concept of love you know
growing up I grew up in a normal family
and when you’re a kid you don’t think
that all these people around me they are
loving me I was very intrigued by the
concept of you know love romantic love
for me that was love and I was always
thinking how it would be if you meet
this complete stranger who would you
know make you feel these things and he
will feel the same things about you
then you will you know they’ll complete
you make you happy you live happily ever
after for me that was something I really
aspired to I think in the beginning of
my journey writing music one of the my
favorite topics was actually love so I
wrote a song about what it would feel
like
to be in love it’s called win bow
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
bloody dumb
my pada cghub
[Music]
GUI
[Music]
in
cool pattern
[Music]
me Missy
[Music]
Tina Tebow the Roy got to lea you are
I’m a patent amoeba
[Music]
my patent
[Music]
in my botany my back
I
[Music]
Hey
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
Hey
[Music]
funny told Lisa come on get down
I
we move
[Music]
yeah
only neighbor easy
see I can lazy
[Music]
you are the pattern in my back
[Music]
I’m a part of
[Music]
Hey
[Music]
we go
[Music]
we
[Music]
Hey
[Music]
[Music]
hi
[Music]
[Applause]
[Applause]
so many years later when I grew up I
found the one yeah and unfortunately he
didn’t complete me yeah he made me happy
sometimes when it bought me food
there’s still something missing fell out
of love and then I fell in love again
again a couple times later I die
thinking am i doing it wrong what do I
need to do is supposed to be that one
thing that gives you all you’ve been
waiting for some time thinking how can
you not be content what is it like to be
in love and not want anything else and
just feel like you’re enough like you
have enough not want anything else so I
wrote another song it’s called Nakamura
finding a person who makes you feel like
you have it all
that you don’t need anything else you
don’t need anyone else that there’s no
distractions you in that person it’s
funny now thinking about
so Isis
[Music]
gentle breeze outside has been me that I
should come mana
claim the Sun for myself
because I have read myself before my
silly words I resist the urge and leave
it for someone else honey and ORP
Nealon easy party become known in Waku
nimi pata boom z KU how how are you we
polygroup a Sufi be Kalani Marco mini
tabacky kappa repo puzzle of a kind
piece – would you view my mini tabacky
now with the dock eco cosa rocky come
I love a kind beside fine with you if
you want my Nita back you know
Akiko cosa okay come on gentle breeze
outside has been calling me then I shoot
come on claim the Sun for myself yes I
read myself and for my silly whim I
resist the urgent leave before someone
else
near new IP in DC party the Colonia
Marku meanie tabacky up a lollipop a
puzzle of a kind piece I’ve found with
you pupil my bonita Bakke know with
takaki-kun cosas rocky come
I want to do something we’ve got all
y’all you’re onto something with Mia I
would do something for me it’s very
simple I want you to say
[Music]
you got it go keep going oh my god how
many people are you in here
okay you can do better than that
yes that’s why
[Music]
Hecuba
a puzzle of a kind
[Music]
hey puzzle of okay
[Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
so a couple years back oh yeah my story
continues couple years back I was
blessed with a baby and I really need to
stop calling it a baby because she’s
seven right now and just doesn’t make
any sense
but I had a child and children a very
very interesting creature children will
just make you think of things in a very
different way you know like one day I
was in my bedroom
you know shaving my eyebrows so that I
could paint them later the way I like
them so my daughter walks in and she
asked me like mama what are you doing I
said um I’m like like you know trimming
my eyebrows did why and for the life of
me I could not explain to my
four-year-old daughter why I was
plucking my eyebrows and then painting
them later you know that’s how children
they make you think of things that you
never really thought of like I stopped
because I couldn’t come up with a good
reason why I was doing it
when I had her I read somewhere that it
would be nice to teach your children all
the things that nobody taught you and
I’ve spent the past seven years trying
to teach her all the things that nobody
taught me and you’re hoping that they
will get enough to help them go through
life without going through the same pain
that you went through so I was trying to
teach her what love was and how to know
if somebody loves you because you know
the worst thing in the world is when you
don’t know everybody says I want to be
loved but do you even know how you wanna
be loved it’s just funny so I believe in
this thing that you will never learn
anything if you’re not ready for it and
[Music]
then when you’re ready the lesson will
find you so when I had a baby I think I
was almost ready because I still don’t
have it all figured out I wrote this
song a very long time ago I had a huge
fight with my mom and I left home
because for me family is where we learn
how to love if it was twisted that’s
what you run with until you learn a lot
of things but we all have complicated
relationships without me so I ran away
from home and I wrote a song
I was angry I said these people who are
supposed to love me and accept me and
you know ignore all my Bhushan why why
aren’t they doing it you know my mom was
mad for something I did which she was
like had every reason to be mad I I as a
parent if I did what I did then I would
be you know very mad if my child did
that I would be very mad but I said
you’re mad at me but you should love me
I don’t get it it’s that simple so I
wrapped the song about how I wanted to
be loved
it’s cornea Katya it’s a song about
understanding that life is difficult
it’s crazy but the only thing you need
is just that somebody who will see you
regardless of what’s happening in your
life even when you messed up horribly
even when you’re not lovable even when
you’re not acceptable this does somebody
to take you as you are and just see you
the best in you all the time and take
you back to that place whenever you you
go too far from that place let’s go Nia
Katya
[Music]
Hey
[Music]
[Music]
yeah
Hey
butoh is a corny young girlie
mccartey Hakuna Matata Kirito baqia
dildo is only taboo
[Music]
McCarty hakuna your take I need you are
you got this on my knuckles I’m mighty
neither he see your cart is on my jock
see naka cost money neither he
see your cutters on my stock
the cutters on my shaco you got this on
my shock
Hey
hey you got these on my jock
[Music]
my Sokka here
[Music]
they got to kill a hottie it was awful
and Rokita he see not easy he longed to
an IBD would you Lindauer who will not
easy no one go Bala the Kolkata my need
is an icy queasy my takakuwa me he loved
the home bunny baby Oh
Albany baby
[Music]
yo Gotti’s on my Shakalaka cause I
mighty near he see
your card is on my table see no sign
I see Hey
you are cooler guarantees catechin
yakity eazy-e lenita meanie
can you buy shot and Tommy
you are gonna guarantee stick on your
car Dez you need a meaty Kuakini bite
Shara
me
[Music]
can you buy side and lobby
hey hey open it by side mommy can it by
side
[Music]
we we haven’t relief finished with the
lessons but recently I’ve been obsessed
with another kind of love
self-love I feel like they will teach
you everything you know that will teach
you how to make money how not to make
money you don’t end up in jail
they’ll teach you how to love thy
neighbor I’ll teach you everything
they’ll teach you a romantic love but
nobody really teaches you self love I
had to learn that very very late in life
and I decided that this is what I want
to teach my daughter I want to teach her
that you will never find one person that
will fulfill you and complete you you
will never find contentment in people
and you will have to understand how you
want to be loved
before you can demand it of people
thank you very much
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]

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